Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
