SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
