So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
