The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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