:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was like giving head to a cactus.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
