Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
