How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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