what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
