He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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