I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
sex in a hospital.. check
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
