Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
