i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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