shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
