Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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