he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
