Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
