I will die if light touches me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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