Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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