..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
