The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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