I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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