How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
