i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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