I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
