Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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