my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
