There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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