I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
