tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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