Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize