Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
