Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
false alarm, still single
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