Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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