We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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