I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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