we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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