I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize