I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
