ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
