It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
