We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
