I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
