covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
