The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
