Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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