hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
