I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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