He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
