mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
