I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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