Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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