I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i think my cat just said my name.
I have fence marks all over my body
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
