i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
