i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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