I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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